I’ve been up all night thinking. This rarely leads me to any kind of profundity, or any sort of good place whatsoever, but I’ve got something, and I feel it’s necessary to get it off my chest. If I don’t, my head will be buzzing for days, and my sleep may be further impaired.
Why do we lie to each other? Why do we carefully construct dozens of different versions of ourselves, and project them each in turn depending on who we’re with? Are we so profoundly broken that we cannot stand for the world to see who we really are, or is it something else?
Are we so lame that we cannot walk without these illusions to hold us up? Are we so crippled by constructs and our own egos, so lowly, that we feel GUILT and FEAR when the façade slips and the REAL us shines through?
The worst of this is when you project some profound lie in the attempt to keep a connection with someone who, in all likelihood, is just FINE with the lies, and totally OKAY with being without you, even the LIE of you. Is it worth preserving this connection, and the egos attached on both ends, if a drop of truth will SHATTER everything?
I don’t think that truth was ever meant to be a destructive force, but we’ve made it so with our lies, illusions, and constructs.
I, for one, am TIRED of being such a LIAR. I am exhausted, lost, afraid, and I don’t know what to do or who to reach for. I don’t know who I’ll have left to turn to, should I unleash the truth.
I am a LIAR, and I am AFRAID of being honest.
How did it come to this?